All Or Nothing Tattoo - the life
I havent worked this hard since-
well, since the last time i did this.
I have great fantasies. Visions of prospererity. I dream of days of war and nights of passion. Yes, love, but not soley. The reason I'm back schooling after quiting what I am now relearning- I can't settle.
I can count my days off in the last year on one hand.
I want the day. I want now. I want to be the best I can possibly be in this moment. I will overcome I will learn I will teach myself to embody that which I want so badly to live.
I am learning to draw, to tattoo from some of my favorite artists in the industry. Talent I aspire to.
I need art. I breathe it I smell it it finds me all day. I work for the freedom to create that. The freedom to travel - live. When I have the time, the inspiration to sit down and feel, I will. When I find that path I will pack for the journey. Now i ready for it with studious attention. Of those days off I have had I spent in thick moments with loved ones. We spun hearty tales. We laughed and ate and cried. We lived to the full.
I have made great sacrifice. To reap what I may from this time spent. I've given up passions I once cherished. I listen with even more attention for it. I've lived like shit for far too long.
Ive worked 90+ hr weeks for almost a year.
One of these days we'll be done. One of these days it'll be time to go home.
Until then there is now. And now is just fine for the time.

Sick and Cloudy[my mind, that is- It's really quite nice out]

You know when you're sick and there's a haze inside your head? You know how you'll try to process information, try to make basic transitions
- transitions you know you can do
- transitions you are fully aware are in you daily portfolio - there's no second guessing that you can .......not smell the food you have spent an hour preparing because you never have a night off work and will truly enjoy cooking a hearty meal for the first time in 11 and a half months. Or for that matter that you even made it home from the grocery 2 blocks down- after wandering, searching for ..........................damn how long have i been here?

It's just that little check box is somehow left blank. In some dusk corner of your
(now throbbing) mind someone unplugged the outlet and didn't think to let anyone know.

Bastards.

When i get my hands on some Apple Cider Vinegar and clear this cold up I'm gonna have words with these folks. I'll tell them in no uncertain terms

half awake in the office morn

I hear crow speak
through the double steel door, from a world outside.
They tell tales. Comforting. Relative.

Signs will prove whatever path you seek.

And now I am comforted by soft words. They tell me to trust the winds
be soft
for harshness
there is much dark
the birds tell me

speak truth

You were probably wondering...

You may have been driving home from work today, or sitting in the back of your ride share, or maybe you even telecommute; sitting there and thinking to yourself-

'I wonder what it would be like to commute on my old 10 speed. And to one night, oh around let's say midnight, after a nice ol' 13 hr. day, have just crested the first hill of my journey home, with that unspoken nod of approval, that acknowledgement of another step up, the first chapter of this journey closed, the first theoretical back-patting after a long day, and about to descend apon a good stretch of lightless suicidal road, and then suddenly, have my chain snap. I wonder what that would be like?'

You just might have thought this in complete abandon and wonder this evening, maybe around 4 or 5 o'clock. On the way to a warm dinner with possibly a loved one to share the dusk glow. This exact thought may have flashed through your mind.

well, yeah, it fucking sucks
just in case you were wondering

the Tattoo Conspiracy; Failings of Higher Math

I was never good at math. I tried.
People explained it as another language; once you learn it, fluency will come.
Apparently I speak in tongues.
Granted, I can balance my checkbook. If I try I may even be able to calculate my change before I get it.
I was raised on a weekly budget. As children my brother, sister and I received biweekly payments. With said payments we were to budget out our every need. Food and board were of course provided by the administrator(read:parent). So I'm comfortable with this whole tracking-money thing. I flew through that math book intro.
Yeah, in say, 7th grade.
And that may just be the end of my mathematical phenomena. This is result of my mind being an artistic one.
Algorithms, surprisingly, are not an option here.